diaries of a single black mother

Diary of a single mother 9

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Am not sure whether I had passed out again or whether I had fallen asleep. I opened my eyes and noticed that I was in bed in our room. Only my sisters were in my room.

‘hi guys’ I said weakly.
‘Hey, you.’ Theo said drawing closer to the bed.
‘How are you feeling?’ that question jolted me into life. It dawned to me that I had fallen and that I was also pregnant. Instinctively my hands went on my belly.
‘ is…am….’ I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
‘its okay,’ Thalia said.
‘the baby is okay.’ Added Theo.

That was great. I smiled and wondered what was happening to me. Being glad that the baby was alive? Maybe it was the hormones or I was just pretty dumb.

‘how is mom?’
‘ upset and worried.’ Thalia replied.
‘and Dad?’
‘ why don’t you get some rest. We will talk later.’ Thalia said.
I closed my eyes. My baby was okay. That was enough to keep some other thoughts at bay. For now, I was just content with that.

Mom woke me up. She had brought me some hot custard. I sat in bed and took the bowl. She sat on the edge of the bed. I wasn’t sure whether I should say something.
‘ I am really sorry mom’ I apologized.
‘I am sorry too. Your dad and I talked about this issue and decided that Judith and your aunt Mavis accompany you to James’ house. so when the doctor says you are okay, arrangements will be made.’

She got up and left. I bit my lower lip. Seeing my mother like this hurt me badly. I had wanted her to be so proud of me. yet all I had managed to do was bring shame to the family.

Thalia and Theodora tried to cheer me up whenever they could. I just felt miserable, that should have been my middle name.

I tried to draw strength from the fact that I was carrying a child but that only depressed me further. I knew nothing about raising a baby. Besides all I could see was a yawning black hole that I was plunging in. What had happened to finishing college, having my lobola paid, having a big wedding and living happily ever after?

Life was no fairy tale.

After two days I felt better. I just had a dull ache below my navel. I wanted a hot bath and a steaming cup of black coffee.

I got up. On my way to the kitchen, I saw my dad reading the newspaper.
‘morning dad,’

He looked at me and never answered. He just went on reading his paper. Theo who was just behind me held my hand and led me to the kitchen.
‘give him time. He will eventually come around.’ Theo said.

Right there and there I felt I couldn’t endure this anymore. Death. I wanted death to embrace me. Why couldn’t the angel of death smite me than face this coldness?

After my bath, I decided to keep to our room and keep out of my parents’ way. As I sat on the bed, I thought more of my predicament. You see when you think about the sex of your unborn child everything would be picture perfect. When you start looking for baby names, all will be well.

I had no time for that.

I saw the laptop on the reading table and it just got me annoyed. I wanted to smash it but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I took the water glass that was there and sent it flying across the room. It hit the wall. I just looked at the pieces of broken glass…such was my fate.

 

Click here to see a list of all the published stories in the diary of a single mother.

 

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