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Khanyi Mbau Explains How Women Push Men to Violence

"Sometimes GBV comes from that because sometimes as women we do not know our places" - Khanyi Mbau

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A Harare man says he is regretting sending his ex-wife to school as he accused her of being too greedy and not grateful.

This emerged at the Harare magistrate court last week where Brian Ngwana told magistrate Ayanda Dlamini that he could not afford his ex-wife’s demands.

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Isabel was demanding US$900 for the upkeep of their four minor children.

Ngwana, however, offered US$100 saying that was enough since he had helped her get a qualification to secure a job.

I also acquired a housing stand and built a house that she and the children are living in,” he submitted. But Isabel said she was unemployed.

He used to take care of us but things changed a few years back when he started having an affair with another woman,” she added.

Dlamini ordered Ngwana to pay US$300 for the upkeep of their children as well as their school fees.


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Unexpectedly, media star Khanyi Mbau from South Africa recently shared her own experiences and provided insights into the reasons behind certain men’s use of violence against women.

Khanyi Mbau Explains How Women Push Men to Violence

On the programme “Mzansi Highlights,” Mbau talked candidly about her previous violent relationship and the circumstances behind it during a debate on gender-based violence.

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She disclosed that the abusive experience prompted her to reflect on herself, realizing that women sometimes contribute to the pressure men face by having certain expectations of what a man should be.

This failure to cope with such expectations can lead to violent behaviour. Reflecting on her journey, Mbau shared:

My generation that created this culture, the Queen of Bling culture, it was me covering my wounds with what shines and thought it was gold.

But now I went into self nami because I went through abuse chasing these things. I went through loss chasing these things.

I lost my dignity. I lost my voice because when you are with a man that gives you all of that you have no voice.

You are just a doll sitting on a shelf. I had to go into self because it gave me depression.

I had to go in and find myself and I did and I understood that we put these men under pressure and this is why there is things like abuse.

There is things like men not matching up.

Mbau emphasized that her intention was not to condone or justify gender-based violence (GBV), but rather to offer an alternative perspective on its root causes.

She clarified that GBV is not an acceptable response to these pressures, describing it as a “mental thing” and a manifestation of men’s frustrations.

I am not saying GBV is good. It’s also, let’s use the English term a mental thing, But it’s also men acting out.

You know when you are smothered? You gonna end up going argh I need to breath. Sometimes GBV comes from that because sometimes as women we do not know our places.

Unsurprisingly, Mbau’s thought-provoking viewpoint triggered a flurry of reactions on social media. To gain a deeper understanding of her perspective, you can watch the video below:


Person for people. Reader of writings. Writer of readings.

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