Bribe Gets Manchester City Back Into The Champions League

Manchester City’s exclusion from the Champions League has been dramatically lifted today after it has emerged that their owner Sheikh Mansour has bought UEFA in a cash-only deal.

The purchase was confirmed this afternoon, in a move that has surprised absolutely no-one who understands UEFA’s relationship with money.

In a statement issued shortly after the sale, it was confirmed that Manchester City would now be back in the Champions League competition next year, despite the previous two-year ban.

“We can confirm that we have reviewed our decision to expel Manchester City from the Champions League and now realise that this was unfair and a bit mean,” a spokesman for the newly named ‘Etihad UEFA’ confirmed.

“We must have got our sums wrong somewhere in the original investigation, but everything seems to add up now and we can only apologise to Manchester City and their fans.”

“Manchester City will definitely be in the competition next year, and every year,” they added.

A delighted Manchester City welcomed the news with the following statement from the club.

They wrote, “We are happy that Etihad UEFA has come to its senses and made this decision. This proves what a fair and reasonable organisation they are and we look forward to the draw for next years competition, which we hope will be favourable to us.”

Fans have reacted with delight, with one season ticket holder telling us, “We could have wasted millions appealing the ban in the courts, so I’m glad we’ve just thrown money at the problem. It’s the Man City way.”