diaries of a single black mother

Diary of a Single Mother 14

life went on. Life does go on. I couldn’t standstill. What else could I do? Chase shadows? I didn’t have him. He still hadn’t even got in touch. I was ready to face it all alone.

I adjusted to the routine of college and the fact that I was carrying a child. I was crazy about ice cream and it seemed I liked it more at night.
.At times I would go with Jackie and Princess or Farai and Terrence would bring me some. Nothing much happened. My belly grew. I began loving the fact that life was growing inside me. I did worry about how I was going to manage a baby and school.

But I had come a long way, there was no more running. This baby had changed everything. Nothing else mattered, just survival skills. I couldn’t bury the memories of James; this baby was going to be a constant reminder of him. I had to make do.

It was also a chapter in my life that couldn’t be closed. It’s like I had a page marker on it. I wrote for the telegraph- the weekly column- and got a small sum. Part of it I used at college and I also saved a bit to buy baby clothes.
There were the demands of college life. Assignments, research and projects but I had to find a way through it all. The sitting during lectures was a challenge at times I got restless and couldn’t sit them out.

I walked and my friends always teased me that I was going to have a boy because I had so much energy. Also the fact that I was not picky about the food I ate.


This other Saturday, I had not gone home for the weekend. I was lying on the bed when my phone rang. I assumed it was one of my sisters checking up on me. I found that it was from a number that I did not know.

‘hello Tess?’
‘yes Tess speaking.’
‘ hi, its Charles’
Shocked, yes I was. Charles calling.
‘oh hi, what a surprise?’
‘ I am good. And you?
‘doing good. I am okay.’
‘ are you at college?’
‘ yes. Yes iam.’
‘ that’s good. Am in town. Can I see you?’
‘ Yes today, if you are not busy?’
‘ummm okay.’
‘ can you come to the car park?’
‘ you are already there?’

‘yes’ he laughed. So sure he had been of himself. Eish and here we go again.. the explaining. I had never gotten round to telling about my predicament. Perhaps it was better if he just knew. The sooner the better.


‘Okay give me five minutes.’

I ran a comb through my hair, looked myself in the mirror and eish I was nervous. Just the thought of explaining. How did I always find myself in such scenarios?

I got to the car park and found him there. I had to shut my eyes for a few seconds dreading what was going to come out of his mouth as he saw me.
I drew nearer.

‘Tess, it’s so good to see you.’ He said opening his arms to embrace me. That was a good start, I thought to myself.
‘Same here.’

‘How have you been?’ I felt the weight the question. There was just too much emotion loaded in it.

‘I have been good and you?’
‘Been busy. Just busy. So sorry I didn’t get in touch.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘can we go somewhere?’
‘yes where we can talk?’
‘no problem.’
‘good then, lets go.’

Had this guy really looked at me? Was he Blind? Why hadn’t he acted or looked surprised? Maybe that’s why he needed us to talk?


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