Manjuzu Take Get-rich-quick Schemes to TikTok
Gogo Shumba has amassed more than 31,000 followers and charges up to US$300 per consultation
Manjuzu Take Get-rich-quick Schemes to TikTok
Zimbabwean traditional healers and manjuzu now use TikTok as their new crystal ball and their “get-rich-quick” schemes are hotter than a freshly brewed cuppa.
Picture this: Gogo Shumba, our resident mystical influencer, perched on her couch like a wise owl with a smartphone. She's not just any grandma; she's the Gandalf of financial advice. And what's her secret recipe for wealth?
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- Step 1: Grab a ten-rand note and a pinch of salt.
- Step 2: Baptize that cash in water for three whole days. Yep, you heard me right. It's like a spa day for your banknote.
- Step 3: Once it's all pruned up, dry it out, and tuck it lovingly into your wallet. Voilà !
And there you have it, folks: your money woes are about to vanish faster than a sneaky cat burglar in the night.
Now, Gogo Shumba isn't just talking to her houseplants; she's got an audience. With 31,000 followers, her TikTok livestream is hotter than a jalapeño in a salsa contest.
Traditional healers worldwide are riding this mystical gravy train. Lesley Chihera, our lockdown-hairstylist-turned-spiritual-seeker, is all in. She's tossing eggs and old currency notes onto the road like a spiritual confetti cannon. Evil spirits, beware!
Manjuzu Take Get-rich-quick Schemes to TikTok
A manjuzu or sangoma charges anywhere from $80 to $300 per consultation. Tanya Chisu, our 21-year-old sorceress-in-training, went from “spellbound” to “swimming in cash” after joining TikTok.
But, not everyone's thrilled. The Zimbabwe National Traditional Healers Association (ZINATHA) is side-eyeing these TikTok mystics. Prince Mutandi, their spokesperson, thinks some of them are just pickpockets in mystical robes.
And Grace Mhofela, our Harare-based entrepreneur, isn't buying it either. She's like, “Girl, that manjuzu was faker than a knockoff Louis Vuitton bag.”
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So, there you have it, my fellow scandal-seekers! TikTok: where spells meet swag, and fortunes are just a waterlogged ten-rand note away. But remember, kids, consult your manjuzu responsibly. And if they ask for your credit card details, run faster than a gazelle chased by a lion.
