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Men & Women Need to Heal Before They Date

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Thumbed through Dereck Mpofu ‘s post comments where he asked Zimbabwean women to say something nice about Zimbabwean men.

Yo fam, before we date can we take healing seriously? The amount of emotional baggage being passed around is alarming. All it's doing is creating cycles of toxicity we carry from one relationship to the next.

Majority of us do not know what a healthy relationship is. This cuts across a wide demographic. Well-to-do to struggling. MBA, PhD to form 2. Peruvian-weave-wearing to all-natural.

At some point, we are going to have to address the elephant in the room. The compound intensity of male hegemony, the misogyny that pushed black women to the base of the social totem pole.

The animosity it's created between black African men and women. The single-parent households that are more likely to ferment the acrimony. Single mothers raising men that end up with female emotions and exhibit over-compensatory behaviour in adult relationships.

Heal before you start dating

The women they meet become appalled by their volatility. These men become emotionally, physically and psychologically abusive. The women react and leave with the kids to repeat the cycle. 

Some of the women also become abusers. Hirt people hurt people. We lack the proper social skills to sustain healthy relationships. The Zimbabwean woman doesn't know how to communicate with the Zimbabwean man and vice versa.

Human touch and belonging to social groups are basic needs. To deal with irregularities in broken homes we have coping mechanisms. Alcohol, sex and drugs lead this futile quest for a long-lasting panacea.

A boy needs his father to teach him how to be a man. A woman needs her mother. The boy needs a mom to learn how to treat women. The girl needs her dad to learn how to be treated.

They say toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers. Parents must be healthy emotionally and psychologically. Don't pass trauma down to your children. In the absence of marriage, we need to learn to co-parent for the kids' sake.

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The basic social unit is being disturbed by every generation. I don't know when but this dialogue must be had. Too many scared people pretending we are brave enough to be loved and love. We end up putting more hurt into the universe.

Walking around screaming how badly we need love deep inside. Cheating before we get cheated on. Abusing before we become abused. Telling ourselves the bravest thing you can show someone you like is how numb your feelings are.

Not catching feelings as they call it. Face it your inner child has been crying all these years. That's why you have trouble being in an adult relationship. You need mummy's or daddy's reassurance.

You need “mommy” to tell you she won't hurt you by showing you she'll obey your commands. You need “daddy” to reassure you by showing you he can get you whatever you want.

I don't know how but we need to heal. I guess the first step is admitting we are wounded in the first place. Marriage isn't overrated or not an achievement. You just never saw a healthy one to know why it's important.

No. We are not ok. There is nothing wrong with getting professional help. It's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Stop lying to yourself. The world is already doing that to you.



(This is a guest post by Mu Netsi from Facebook. You can share your thoughts on this below)

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