One Saturday, early April, I decided that Thalia accompany me to James’ flat so that I could talk to Tinotenda, James’ younger brother. When we arrived and knocked on the door it was James’ father who answered the door.
A thousand questions flew around in my mind. I felt Thalia’s nudge and this brought me to life.
I had met the man, but seeing him made my heart skip a beat. Was everything okay?
‘good afternoon, how do you do?’ I greeted him.
‘ afternoon, how do you do my daughter.’ He replied, ‘ is everything okay?’
‘everything is well father. We have come to see James.’
‘ James? He is in South Africa. He has been in South Africa for the past two months.’
‘okay. Is he okay?’ I questioned.
‘he is, I last spoke to him last night. Unless you have heard something?’ he seemed alarmed.
‘no, nothing of that sort.’ I said wringing my hands.
This was all just too much for me. I felt weak and just needed to sit down.
I just sat down on the porch.
‘are you okay my dear?’ James’ father asked.
‘ may we please have a glass of water.’ Thalia requested.
‘ okay,’ he said going back into the house. He went back inside.
‘are you okay?’ Thalia asked as soon as we were alone.
‘ just confused. It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.’
Tinotenda then came and greeted us. He asked whether everything was okay.
‘ perhaps you should tell us.’ Thalia asked.
‘ whats wrong?’ he seemed confused.
‘ James’ Thalia replied.
I just didn’t have the energy to ask or say anything.
‘oh,him. He has not yet returned and I don’t think he will be coming back anytime soon. He is trying to set up another company in South Africa. So he wants to make sure that the business is running smoothly before he comes back.’ He answered.
‘ any idea when that might be?’ Thalia asked.
‘ perhaps mid-July, from what he said.’
I thought I was going to faint. What was the meaning of all this? James, oh James.. I whispered. My head was reeling from the shock of hearing all this.
‘ Mid – july?’ I gasped.
‘yes.’ He said.
‘ the thing is my sister here is pregnant and he would be back in March. His calls and texts had since ceased. That’s why we are here. We thought perhaps we could get some answers. Or perhaps he had told you something.’ Thalia said.
‘well he never said anything and he did not confide in me. But when I do get to call him, I will ask him.’
‘thank you, that would surely help. Do talk to him first before you tell your father. We are now afraid that people will start noticing. He needs to tell us the way forward.’ Thalia said.
‘I will. He is likely to phone tomorrow night. Will let you know.’ Tino said.
‘Thessaly come, lets go.’ Thalia said helping me to my feet. She held my arm as we walked from the flat.
I couldn’t eat anything, I just felt hollow. I couldn’t sleep that night. What was I going to do? At 3 months and two weeks, really? The tears just fell. There was nothing more for me to do. I felt so alone. I had to tell my mother. I had to be the one to break it to her before someone else did…
I just had to gather up the courage. I also seek to show that my son has become the center of my world despite the challenges that I have faced. I also want to show how hard it is for me to date and get a serious boyfriend just because I am a single mother.
Please continue walking with me through this journey. Maybe we can make a change for the better. I still breakdown at times when I write some of the chapters because it feels like opening old wounds, but it has helped me get some form of closure.