HELP ME: I'm Seriously Crushing on my Cousin.

I am seriously crushing on my cousin.

I have a secret that I can’t tell anyone. I’m in love with my cousin. She came to live with us from the rural areas, where I also visit every summer with my parents. She is beautiful, smart, kind, and funny. She is my first cousin, which means we share the same grandparents. Her mother is a younger sister to my mother.

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I know it’s wrong to feel this way about her. I know it’s taboo and forbidden. I know it’s against our culture and our religion. But I can’t help it. I’ve been crushing on her since we were kids, and every year, my feelings grow stronger. I fantasize about her all the time, imagining what it would be like to kiss her, to hold her, to make love to her.

But I can never act on my fantasies. I can never tell her how I feel. I can never risk ruining our family bond or our friendship. I can never face the shame and the guilt of being with her. So I keep my feelings hidden, buried deep inside me. I pretend to be just her cousin, just her friend. I act normal around her, even though my heart is pounding and my palms are sweaty.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get over her. I don’t know how to move on with my life. I don’t know how to find someone else who can make me happy. I don’t know how to stop loving her.

Please help me.