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diaries of a single black mother

Diary of a single mother : Pregnancy

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I was pregnant, James was the father. Yes him, my supposedly rebound guy.

I was in college, doing my final year.
So there I was at school and pregnant. James had gone on a business trip to South Africa and I had no clue what to do. I was at my wit's end. I had to call someone and talk this through. So I called Jackie

‘girl I'm in a mess’
‘what have you done now?’
‘more like what has he done?’
‘he has done it!’
‘dumped you?’

‘no, he got me knocked up. I didn’t get my period.’
‘shut up!’
‘for real’
‘your days may have shifted. It happens you know, the cycle does change. Why don’t you keep calm and wait’
‘Waiting will drive me insane. Do you know how to use the pregnancy kit?’
‘I don’t, but how hard can it be?’

‘Will you come?’ I just needed someone
‘hopefully will try and sneak away from work at around ten.’
‘Thanks hey’
‘it will work out. Hang in there till I see you tomorrow.’
‘will try..later’

This was a nightmare. What if I was pregnant?

Eish, with parents like mine I just couldn’t stomach their reaction. If it did somehow so happen that I wasn’t carrying a child then I swore I would dump James there and then. Oh, and how would I break it down to my siblings?

I hardly slept – my mind was on a rollercoaster ride. I just kept tossing and turning. At dawn, I had to drag myself out of bed. I was on an internship at a local weekly newspaper.

That morning, the sky was cloudy, no sun in sight. Perhaps it was going to rain later during the day.
Mom was always up early. She was all set and already having breakfast.

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‘morning mum’
‘morning, I talked to your granddad last night and he said he would appreciate it if you dropped in once in a while to see him.’
‘but I do see him. I can't be there every day.’ I shrugged. I wasn’t really in the mood for chit chat.

‘take him out for lunch sometime this week or have your driver drop you after work.’ She suggested.
‘will try. Ok, mum, I’m off’
‘No breakfast?’
‘will have coffee at the office.’
‘at least carry some sandwiches. I have already made some.’
‘Thank you’ as I was packing them I heard a car honking…

That was my cue.
‘That’s for me. Have a lovely day.’ I said as I got out of the house.

That was our driver, Paul. He was an impatient man and I didn’t dare try to start off the day by making him angry.
At the office, time was moving at a snail’s pace.

I just kept looking at the time and wondering if Jackie was going to make it. When she finally did, I didn’t know whether to smile or cry.

‘ Nothing is certain yet until we do the test’ she said trying to put me at ease. I just gave a weak smile.
It was better for Jackie to purchase the kit since ours was a small community. We went to the office and headed straight for the ladies. After we had read the leaflet, I peed on the stick and waited for the results.

I just couldn’t stand the wait. It seemed to be taking forever.

There was deathly silence. No need to say anything. When Jackie looked at the stick, I just looked at her face. It spoke a thousand words to me in a way words would never have. So this was my fate…

Click here to see a list of all the chapters of the diary of a single mother

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